James Forgives You
by J.Vengeance
Summary: When memories come crashing back, Sirius blames himself for what went wrong. No pairing. Please Review.


**Title**: James Forgives You.

**Author**: Jeni V

**Rating**: T, for dealing with death and stuff

**Summary**: When memories come crashing back, Sirius blames himself for what went wrong.

**Disclaimer: **I don't any Harry Potter or any of its characters. Though that would be cool, eh?

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Sirius sat on the end of his bed in the house of 12 Grimmauld Place. His long jet black hair hung around his face, covering his saddened features. In his hand, he held a dusty picture. It was torn halfway down the middle and in it, two teenage boys waved at him.

One was himself. Fifteen years old with a smiling, handsome face. His black hair was still worn long, shining in sunlight and flowing like water. His grey eyes were bright and glittering with happiness. He waved at his future self with an expression of laughter.

He was holding hands with another boy. A boy of the same age. His disheveled, unruly, ebony hair stuck out at odd angles and he too, waved with a look of happiness and laughter splayed across his face. His glasses were slightly crooked and the glare in them almost managed to cover his smiling brown eyes.

James Potter. Sirius felt tears fall from his eyes. His grey eyes that no longer glowed with cheerfulness. His shoulders shook as he sobbed just slightly. James was his best friend. Sirius cried just a little harder. He stood and walked over to a dusty, dirty window in front of him.

"James…" Sirius whispered, his voice broken and cracked. "James, I'm sorry. I'll do anything to take back what I did. You and I were-were brothers, connected by the soul, James. How could I have been so stupid? I put you right in the hands of the enemy!" Sirius hit the window with a closed fist; dust shook off the panes and littered his clothes.

"I had to go through every day in Azkaban knowing that when I got out, you wouldn't be there to congratulate me." Sirius choked out a sob, his hand trailing down the window, gathering dust. "Those bloody dementors reminded me every day that I wouldn't see you, because I was the reason you and Lily were dead! I was surprised, James. I was surprised when I managed to stay sane in there. I told Harry that the thought that I was innocent kept me from losing my mind but…I don't know how true that really is. I feel more guilty now…than ever before. Sure, I didn't kill all those people. But I didn't care about _those people_. I cared about you. If I only hadn't made you switch to Peter! Bloody hell, James…I don't why! It seemed like a good idea at the time but now….

"Look what I've done…" Sirius whispered, falling to his knees and looking at the picture in his hands. He wanted to rip it all the way, stop its suffering, for maybe it would stop his own. He made to tear it but stopped, looking at the two smiling boys who held hands underneath the tear. He didn't want to tear it. For what was the point of separating him from James in a photograph, when that was all he left?

He looked up towards the ceiling. "I know you forgive me, James. Heh, you could never stay mad at me…. But…help me to forgive myself. I know exactly what you'd say, even after all these years, 'Oh Padfoot, don't blame yourself. You know it wasn't your fault. Nothing could be done.' But I _do_ blame myself, James. It really _was_ my fault, James. _Something_ could've been done. But I _messed up_! I made a mistake. And it was worse mistake I could've made! Why couldn't Voldemort have taken me?"

"Because if he had, he would've taken over the world by now." Sirius looked up to see Remus. His golden brown hair framed his tear-strewn face and his slightly angered expression. "Voldemort wouldn't have nearly died. Everyone else would be dead. And I still would've lost one of the most important people in my life."

Sirius stared at his fellow marauder with a mildly shocked look and gazed back down at the picture.

"I took that picture, remember?" said Remus gently. Sirius nodded.

"It wasn't your fault, Sirius." Remus whispered.

"Everyone says that…but why do I keep telling myself otherwise?" Sirius said thickly.

"Because you lost him." Remus said. "And you blame yourself. That's how you deal with things. But I lost him too. It's a fact we need to face." Sirius looked up at Remus again. "James forgives you, he knows you didn't do anything wrong, _you_ know that."

"Remus! Sirius! Come on down, mum's got dinner ready!" said a voice downstairs. It was Fred Weasley.

Sirius stood up and wiped his eyes, pocketing the picture. Remus wiped his own tears away and as they were about to walk out of the room, they embraced.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," they whispered simultaneously. Remus chuckled softly.

"_And we always will be." _


End file.
